unsaid but hopefully well written

*Hmm kayanya taun ini bakalan sering nulis beginian nih (kedip kedip kode)*

My whole life changes in a very short time. Who knows what will happen to you in, let's say... the next three months.

You said that to me at the end of our random Sunday session last week. Yes, I agree. From a younger sister slash best friend slash crafting pal slash most effective mood booster, to a graceful bride to be. It seems like you've become more mature all of the sudden (while I was still that cheesiest girl you know so well, hehe).

It's been almost 9 years now since we first met. You were my first roommate, the one who loves my grandmother's cheese stick and also my diary-writer friend. We were instantly a best friend. And while you said that you adore my handwriting and colorful markers, I love your creativity and your always easy going personality.

When the news first reach me, I was happy. Truly, thoroughly. Verrrrrrrry happy. Overwhelmingly happy. I have always known that it's only a matter of time, I just never thought that it will be this fast. Of course I can't help myself being surprise knowing the husband-to-be (xixixi) but yes, we will all go through our own journey to find that one special person.

Earlier that night, and also around December last year, I got the chance to understand that everyone's journey should be different to each other. And instead of being envious or even negatively thinking about other's, the easiest way is to accept things that is meant to be for us (the bottom line is not to bother with other's and just be happy). Last Sunday, you gave me the similar closure. Thank you for that :) (also let's memorize your mother's quote-worthy phrases, just because...).

I will always pray for your happiness, and all the best to come to you. And the strength to overcome whatever, and the wisdom to see things, and the faith to keep on going.

I love you to the moon and back.

Di sela-sela leyeh-leyeh long weekend, saya scrolling contact whatsapp. Iseng. Tidak bermaksud apa-apa, tapi kemudian saya teringat, sedang ada yang berubah.

And I can't decide whether it was for the better because I started to see things not in black and white, but from what people see, this particular change may not be a good one.

Saya senyum miris sendiri, begini nih kalo kangennya ngomong doang. Cuma buat bahan chatting whatsapp/Line/facebook doang. Kangennya ngomong doang tapi nggak usaha. Siapa yang tahu, saat saya lagi mikirin seseorang dan mikir, "aduh kangen banget nih. Tapi gue ini-itu-ini-itu," sebenarnya orang yang lagi saya pikirin itu lagi butuh temen ngobrol. No, not even temen ngobrol, mungkin cuma butuh presence orang lain yang bisa bikin dia nggak ngerasa sendirian.

Apa susahnya, ketik sms; "apa kabar? kalo aku ke deket-deket sana, kita ketemu, yaaa :)" lalu saat weekend, bukannya mikir udah capek kerja lima hari penuh dan mau istirahat aja; bangun dan pergilah, janjian. Mungkin bukan selamanya buat orang yang saya samperin, tapi mungkin juga buat saya sendiri.

To grasp the happiness I might not found in daily basis when I'm too busy looking at the whole picture. Macam Alyo ngerekam Kalin buat jadi cadangan energi. Friends work that way too.

Lain kali, kangennya jangan cuma ngomong doang ya, Fit.

Noted now.

For a friend who is out there,

I've heard or maybe read somewhere that it's impossible to found someone who doesn't want to be found. And the line never strikes me so bad until today.

I think we were on good terms on the last four years if we weren't best of friends. I share some stories, and so do you. Of course at first I didn't think that we could become friends as we do for the last four years, but isn't that how a good friend usually explain their first meeting?

Anyway, the four years has passed and I never thought of friendship as a Cinderella's fairy's magic that will lost it's power overtime. I do think about it as a precious things you nurture, a second home, a place where you can be sure that you have a second support system aside from your family. And i never believe that geography matters in this subject. It's the presence that counts, whatever it takes.

But then again, as much as my worries, I also aware that we are grown-ups whose problems might be much harder than a mere un-solvable calculus calculation. As much as I miss your presence, you might have your own thinking, as you always do, and you might come to a conclusion that it's best to stay away for a while.

You know what? I think I can learn to understand that.

After all, if it's really impossible to found someone who doesn't want to be found. maybe, just maybe, when you are ready, we'll finally find us again. Maybe we'll reminiscing the past like the spacing had never happened. Maybe we'll start from the scratch where we were awkward. Or maybe, just maybe, we'll be strangers who wonder about what could have been if we were doing the past differently.

For a friend who is out there, at the very least, you should know that people are missing you much.

Looking forward to hear from you :)

I remember this part from Ika Natassa's Antologi Rasa. Adegannya Keara dan Ruli ngobrol dan sama-sama setuju kalau kerjaan mereka adalah sesuatu yang mereka lakukan between weekends, to keep them alive, to afford their living if I have to make it simple.

"Karena amanah tak pernah salah memilih pundak" Maka untuk hal-hal yang terasa berat ingatlah bahwa tiap amanah hakikatnya adalah bimbingan, tiap sentinya adalah pembinaan. Jangan kalah, nikmatilah. Karena proses pendakian bukanlah tentang puncak, tapi bagaimana tetap berusaha untuk menapak - sms hanifa