unsaid but hopefully well written

source : here

notes :
hey, I'll work on my HASHTAG NAIKCOMLINE but before that, here's new episodes I've been working on :)

notes (2) :
This is pure rambling

Setelah sejak lahir rekor jalan-jalan terjauh cuma sampai Jogja, akhirnya anak mager ini (tahun lalu) bikin rencana jalan-jalan juga. Niatnya adalah reward setelah bertahan setahun di kantor, hadiah ulang tahun ke 2X dan (ceritanya) latihan keluar dari comfort zone setelah meraas kemagerannya sudah keterlaluan.

Jadilah bulan Februari kemarin saya bikin paspor dan beli backpack. Kalo itinerary sih, karena kebetulan ini anaknya semangat kalo masalah planning-planning (kalo pelaksanaan beda urusan) udah dibuat lengkap dari bulan Januari. Tapi rupanya semua itu nggak cukup untuk meyakinkan diri bahwa saya memang harus (mulai ber) pergi (an). Otak saya yang terbiasa mager mulai bertanya-tanya :

Do you really need to go? Gimana kalo uangnya habis di tengah jalan? Gimana kalo ditipu sama penduduk lokal? Gimana kalo ketinggalan pesawat? Gimana kalo nyasar? Dan lain-lain.

Pada akhirnya, jawaban dari 'do you really need to go?' itu sebenernya relatif untuk semua orang. Buat saya, saat itu, alasan paling mudah adalah karena saya sudah ngantri sampai jam 1 siang (dengan badan demam dan flu plus AC imigrasi yang kelewatan dinginnya) demi bikin paspor. Plus ranselnya udah kebeli. Nah kalo nggak pergi itu ransel mau dipake ngapain? Sekolah?

Saya pun memutuskan bahwa apapun yang terjadi, saya HARUS pergi. Tapi karena rencana pergi saya itu baru sekitar akhir tahun, saya masih harus menunggu kira-kira setengah tahun lagi. Dan dalam setengah tahun saya nggak tau excuses macam apa yang bisa saya bikin (unconsciously) demi membatalkan rencana bepergian ini. Jadilah saya pikir kayanya lebih enak kalau rencana trip akhir tahun itu dibagi jadi beberapa bagian yang dimulai dengan pergi ke Singapura.

Pertama-tama, sebelum pergi, saya harus punya teman pergi dulu. Setelah mikir ini itu (dan temen saya yang awalnya fix pergi ternyata gabisa cuti karena masih probation) akhirnya saya telepon Dhila, salah satu teman main saya dari jaman kuliah.

fitri dan dhila (sengaja foto wisuda :3)

Beda dengan saya, Dhila sudah punya paspor dari tahun 2011, jadilah saya punya alasan andalan saya buat bujuk Dhila.

Fitri : masa sampe paspor lo expired belom ada capnya? Ayolah Dhil, kita gembel aja. 2,5 juta 4 hari 3 malem,
Dhila : Singapur udah jadi kota termahal Fit sekarang. Ngalahin Tokyo,
Fitri : jadi lo mau nunggu sampe Singapur semahal apa lagi?

Percobaan pertama, Dhila masih belum mutusin untuk pergi, sementara tiket promo yang sudah saya incar mendadak hilang dari internet. Jadilah saya memutuskan untuk, apapun yang terjadi yaudah gue pergi aja sendiri.

Perlu diketahui, saya adalah anak mager banyak wacana (AND I'M NOT PROUD AT ALL). Kalo masih rencana, saya akan sangat bersemangat, tapi begitu mendekat ke hari-H, otak saya otomatis membuat sejumlah alasan yang bisa saya pakai biar nggak usah pergi. Jadinya, begitu awal bulan April Dhila telepon dan mendadak semangat untuk pergi, semangat saya justru udah lumayan luntur (walaupun belum sampai tahap pengen ngejual ransel). Terutama karena tiket promonya udah abis. Mager-mager pengen gitulah kira-kira. Kali ini giliran saya yang ngegantungin.

Lalu suatu hari, pergilah saya ke toko buku dan beli sebuah buku traveling. Bisa dibilang, setelah baca buku ini, terutama kisah salah seorang penulisnya tentang Singapura, saya jadi semangat lagi. Mikirnya, kalo sekarang aja gue nggak pergi, nggak ada yang bisa jamin akhir tahun nanti gue bakal jadi pergi. Dan kalo nggak jadi pergi, itu paspor sama tas nya jadi mubazir dong. Yaudah, mulailah saya dan Dhila cari-cari tiket lagi.

Personally, for me, this is a verrrry new experience. Untuk anak yang ke Kebun Raya Bogor buat main aja males, going singapore is not a small deal. I don't know if there are people who will relate to me in this part. But for me, one thing that I hate the most about going is leaving. There are things I leave behind even when I only travel a small distance. There's this weird attachment I can't explain and I think I need to break that somehow.

Aside from the passport and the backpack, of course this is something to look forward to in the midst of hectic and overworked days. And as Ibn Battuta said,

source : here

And as I love to write to tell stories, this traveler beginner shall find some more stories to tell.

See you in #2!

"kok sampe sekarang gue belom pernah liat ya, ada orang cerita soal pengalaman naik kereta?"
"belom nemu aja kali lo nya,"

That was a little conversation between me and my friend when we ride the train home. Iyanih, sejak 8 bulanan yang lalu, saya jadi commuter yang naik commuter line. Desek-desekan tiap pagi dan turun di stasiun (yang penumpangnya turunnya paling ga santai) Tebet. Naik kereta on regular basis rupanya nano-nano rasanya, seneng iya, sebel iya. But basicly, I love taking public transportation (and this is not a mere sweet talking), and it amazes me, how a person could kill (metaphorically) not only to get into the train but also to get out of it.

Jadilah saya mikir, kayanya bikin episode cerita-cerita dari naik kereta seru juga.

And here, we begun the 'episode perkenalan' of a series called HASHTAG NAIKCOMLINE. Intinya sih, yaaa... yang nggak enak-nggak enak di kereta, diketawain aja. It's hard already to cope with the work-life, why make it harder by being cranky in the train, right?

see you on the first episode!

Di sela-sela leyeh-leyeh long weekend, saya scrolling contact whatsapp. Iseng. Tidak bermaksud apa-apa, tapi kemudian saya teringat, sedang ada yang berubah.

And I can't decide whether it was for the better because I started to see things not in black and white, but from what people see, this particular change may not be a good one.

Saya senyum miris sendiri, begini nih kalo kangennya ngomong doang. Cuma buat bahan chatting whatsapp/Line/facebook doang. Kangennya ngomong doang tapi nggak usaha. Siapa yang tahu, saat saya lagi mikirin seseorang dan mikir, "aduh kangen banget nih. Tapi gue ini-itu-ini-itu," sebenarnya orang yang lagi saya pikirin itu lagi butuh temen ngobrol. No, not even temen ngobrol, mungkin cuma butuh presence orang lain yang bisa bikin dia nggak ngerasa sendirian.

Apa susahnya, ketik sms; "apa kabar? kalo aku ke deket-deket sana, kita ketemu, yaaa :)" lalu saat weekend, bukannya mikir udah capek kerja lima hari penuh dan mau istirahat aja; bangun dan pergilah, janjian. Mungkin bukan selamanya buat orang yang saya samperin, tapi mungkin juga buat saya sendiri.

To grasp the happiness I might not found in daily basis when I'm too busy looking at the whole picture. Macam Alyo ngerekam Kalin buat jadi cadangan energi. Friends work that way too.

Lain kali, kangennya jangan cuma ngomong doang ya, Fit.

Noted now.

At the end, it's happiness we find in daily basis, in dealing with our routine, that matters most

Unlike most heroine in shoujo manga (and the stereotyping on girl in high school that come afterwards), I can say that my favorite subject is math.

I didnt like it at first when I was on elementary school. But one of my friend said that doing math is like solving a riddle. And I remember my mother started to teach math in a kind of cram school only for math subject so she can also taught me at home. Then, I get into a sempoa course for about 2 years. I think I'm getting along well with math ever since. I don't become a master in math or anything, it's just that I got used to it.

I remember doing my exercise book ahead of time on middle school and getting the highest score for my first test on high school (because I've learn the subject on middle school). I like the subject to the point that I choose it as my second major on university entrance test.

Until now, I believe that the only way to conquer the subject is to practice. By practicing, we will come to a point of understanding. It is important because by understanding one thoery, it is easier to understand another since it's all linked. And what I love about math is that it is something that has answers. No matter what kind of problem it is, there should be at least a way to solve it.

Another thing about math is that after a while, it will come to you naturally. What to read in a question, what is that all about, what kind of problem it was, what to do first, and what step that comes after. Doing math and finding the answer is a bit like advanced a level in Candy Crush. It's exciting and satisfying and makes me want to do more.

So, a couple of days ago, I was thinking about that and comparing it to my current job. I was watching my principal works as the thought hits me. Doing my job is a bit like doing math. Practicing has a big role in order to be used to it (and I dont say to mastered it) and after a while (though it may take longer that what it takes on doing math) it will come naturally as I become used to it.

There's so many things to think of like, how does it look like, how to get people to walk there, how to build that, how to make it works and so on. But so does math, I remember imagining a way out before actually writing my solution on paper, and it was naturally happen. So I think, after a while, it will come just as natural.

I just need to go the extra mile.

1. Facebook status is public by default

By that I mean that we don't choose what to see or what not to show (except you are okay to trouble yourself to change your privacy setting or mute some annoying people as the feature is currently available). But I think I am also 'kepo' by default so I don't really use the feature and enjoying people's life story via facebook. That makes me aware that I don't really want people to know about my life in detail and this is the very basic reason of why I don't update my facebook status at all. 

2. Facebook status is real time and in my opinion, it's supposed to be short 

Eventhough facebook status is supposed to be an answer to the question 'what's on your mind?', and in that manner I can be as elaborate as possible, most people only tell how he was at that time (like, how annoying a person who snore beside me on my flight to HK! and not what kind of person the snoring person is, why do I have to go to HK, or with whom I went to HK) and it bring us to the third reason that 

3. I can't elaborate things to everyone via facebook status 

And the facebook status can not reveal my thinking process and my knowledge as a whole and some people, while just being naturally curious or honestly caring, needs explanation.
4. Because people, and that include myself, tends to make conclusion
For me, the point is, how do I arrive to that conclusion. Do I read and concluding real time and keep it for myself? Do I read and think and observe then concluding? Or do I read, concluding real time, listening to someone having the same conclusion, and end up labeling the person whose status I read? 

5. And from the fourth point, I came to a conclusion (see I've been through four parts here, just saying) that facebook status is a place where misunderstanding is inevitable. 

I know one case when a renown ustadz make a series of tweet about how useless is having girl/boyfriend and my friend, who happens to follow the account and currently having boyfriend said that the ustadz is exaggerating and she doesn't do things to that extent with her boyfriend. In my point of view, the whole thing about having girl/boyfriend is not as simple as whether it's allowed or not, it is a matter of what do you believe and what do you understand from your belief. The ustadz may have elaborate it on the former tweet on why it's not supposed to be done based on his belief but my friend might be too lazy to stalk the timeline. Maybe the ustadz was using some confusing words that it is a bother even just to read or maybe my friend was involved in some conversation where people said that they don't agree to the tweets. Anything can happen when we can't explain ourselves, and mostly it's misunderstanding. 

6. It's true that I don't have to explain myself, but when I need to be heard, when I am about to transfer my knowledge, then people need to know it as a whole, not as parts. 

And it's only fair that way. To myself, and to people who read. 

7. At the end, I think the question has change from whether to update or not to update my facebook status with such a sensitive statement, to whether it is the right platform to do such things. 

After reviewing the six number above, I answer myself that it might not be the rightest platform for me (note that all of my reason is completely subjective, not generally applicable, but definitely one of a million way of answering the question on update or not updating your facebook status) because I have a need to make people understand about me and my mind. That way, it is easier to be heard.

Waktu itu pernah nonton Stand Up Comedy di TV, salah satu comic nya ngomentarin acara TV yang programnya itu ngebawa anak-anak orang kaya buat tinggal di desa dengan kehidupan yang beda 180 derajat dan biasanya diakhiri dengan nangis nangis di kamera.

Kata comic nya, padahal sebenernya si orang yang tinggal di desa itu biasa biasa aja loh, cuman orang yang datengnya pasti nangis kejer. Saya nggak suka, dan sangat menghindari acara-acara yang kayak gitu. More or less, setuju sama si comic itu. For me, it's as if there is no other way to live other than in a city. Orang yang di desa itu might be living just fine, lalu dateng orang entah dari mana yang menganggap they living a super hard life just because they both come from a different standard.

Buat sebagian orang, bahagia itu mungkin dengan backpacking ke tempat baru dan belajar hal-hal baru. Mungkin sesederhana pasang radio dan tiba-tiba lagu favorit kita diputar. Ada banyak hal untuk mendefinisikan bahagia, tapi mungkin nggak semua orang mau melihat standar bahagianya orang lain. Itu dia menurut saya yang bikin anak-anak kotanya nangis kejer dan ngerasa kasihan berlebihan sama orang yang tinggal di desa dan akhirnya orang yang nonton acara itu ikutan merasa kalau hidupnya si orang desa itu memang jauh di bawah standar.

But whose standard are we talking about right now?

What if their happiness is by sharing some food with other, by knowing that even though they have to work so hard only for dinner and breakfast, they can keep their family close. What if their happiness was not define by pretty shoes and smooth skin, what if they are content with their life at that time?

I've met some people that lead a harsher life than mine and that encounter got me thinking. How people could have sooo much problems in their life and still looks happy most of the time. Maybe that's because their happiness doesn't defined by their level of problems.

Dan mungkin mereka lebih banyak bersyukur daripada mencari-cari apa yang nggak ada. After all, the bad things in life are so few (if only I would want to see beyond things).