when you grow older, it feels like... knocking on a door you never know. Stepping into something so strange that you can't even imagine. Sometimes dreaming to go back where you don't have to find any reason why or face anything with thoughts on your head. Leading one cheerful and carefree life.

at times like these, I wish that I have taking faculty of medicine instead of this architecture school, listening to my mother's advice (based on her temporary addiction to Grey's Anatomy). I wish I know more about things. Maybe about how to read those scary-white-machine with digital screen showing colorful graphics. Or simply how to press my emotion down the surface so people won't know.

at times like these, I wish I had taken a picture with him, I wish I had spent more time to study so I can show him what have I done here in school. I wish I had spent more time listening to his words.

at times like these I cry after listening to a song without even feeling related to the song. I cry after I wash my face to hide the teary eye. I cry even by doing my assignment, thinking that I might not be able to told him that I have this done.

And at times like this, carpe diem, quam minimum credula posturo is not just a saying. It's a real thing. Big real thing.

Get well soon. I miss you. and I mean it.

"And We charge no soul except [with that within] its capacity, and with Us is a record which speaks with truth; and they will not be wronged. (23:62)"