unsaid but hopefully well written

For a friend who is out there,

I've heard or maybe read somewhere that it's impossible to found someone who doesn't want to be found. And the line never strikes me so bad until today.

I think we were on good terms on the last four years if we weren't best of friends. I share some stories, and so do you. Of course at first I didn't think that we could become friends as we do for the last four years, but isn't that how a good friend usually explain their first meeting?

Anyway, the four years has passed and I never thought of friendship as a Cinderella's fairy's magic that will lost it's power overtime. I do think about it as a precious things you nurture, a second home, a place where you can be sure that you have a second support system aside from your family. And i never believe that geography matters in this subject. It's the presence that counts, whatever it takes.

But then again, as much as my worries, I also aware that we are grown-ups whose problems might be much harder than a mere un-solvable calculus calculation. As much as I miss your presence, you might have your own thinking, as you always do, and you might come to a conclusion that it's best to stay away for a while.

You know what? I think I can learn to understand that.

After all, if it's really impossible to found someone who doesn't want to be found. maybe, just maybe, when you are ready, we'll finally find us again. Maybe we'll reminiscing the past like the spacing had never happened. Maybe we'll start from the scratch where we were awkward. Or maybe, just maybe, we'll be strangers who wonder about what could have been if we were doing the past differently.

For a friend who is out there, at the very least, you should know that people are missing you much.

Looking forward to hear from you :)

The only thing that is constant is change - Heraclitus

Change happens, either you want it or not.

One of my best friend told me that it was the peer pressure and her academic circumstances that initially got her to let go of her big-white-super comfortable sport shoes into some flat shoes, loafers, and sometimes, high heels. Another friend of mine said to me that I'm the only one who still use my university outfit to office without having any slight thought to change (or maybe I do care about my worn-out running shoes and deciding to buy a new one but apparently, I shouldn't wear running shoes for meeting so the plan got cancelled).

So that was my friend, and I who refuses to change but apparently had to. Yet, I think for the very short period of three months, I've been changing a lot.

I've been an avid reader who could change book every day but now I can read one book in two weeks (and it's depressing actually).

I've been a diligent diary writer for 7 years and now I didn't even write for about a month.

I've been constantly whining about working over time but at the end of the day, I'm the one who decided to stay late.
I've been dying to continue on my study right away after I graduate, who knows I would love (and hate) my job (equally) and I've got no plan on leaving.

I've been thinking that although I can learn a lot from my job right now (technically and personally), sometimes, weekends keep me sane. And also, it is normal to have a thought of having a day off every now and then. And by thinking that way, I'm not taking back what I've said about the Keara and Ruly's scene I once wrote here.

I've been having a lot of change in thoughts, about my life, about my job, about people around me, about relationship, about my ideal future life, almost about everything.

My friends around me are changing too, some of them are chasing their dreams, changing their plans, and I can see some of them in a different light. Some of them come, some go, and some of them just disappear. But some of them stay, no matter how far I've changed by now.

The only thing that is constant is change. And it's exciting now to see me reflecting upon myself. What unconscious change I've done to myself, what kind of change that I want to see in the near future. Step by step, brick by brick, I re-planning my goals, re-writing my targets. And I will stop every now and then to see what have I become.

Hopefully it's always for the better.

Well eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgangers. These completely different people who just happen to look like us. Five years ago? That girl was pretty great. But doppelganger Robin? She's amazing. - Ted Mosby