unsaid but hopefully well written

Someday you'll gonna realize
One day you'll see through my eyes
But then i won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere
Even if i can't

I know
You dont really see my worth
You think your the last guy on earth
Well i've got news for you
I know i'm not that strong
But it won't take long
Won't take long

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday

But now
I know you can't tell
I'm down,and i'm not down anyway
But one day these tears
They will all run dry
I won't have to cry
Sweet goodbye

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday



asik deh dengerin lagu lama pas lagi mellow begini
hmm kenapa ya belakangan ini gue moody sekali sampe temen-temen kena imbasnya juga. maaf yaaa... gue nggak maksud jutek, nggak nanggepin atau apapun. I'm just not in the mood

ok, lame reason

tapi kadang-kadang kita semua memang butuh waktu untuk menjadi stabil. I have ever done this once when I was on my high school. I really am that kind of sensitive and emotional so I easily get hurts or being not in the mood. But then I realize that I will never moving on if I keep on caring on my own feeling, not others, so I try to press my ego

and this happened again

I keep on saying to myself that I will never fall in the same hole. but the truth is I'm still blaming people around me, I mad at everything that runs against my will, I feel scared to be alone but not trying to reach out to be helped..

I don't feel so secure

mungkin cuman sugesti. gue selalu berharap seperti itu..

I'm sure that I have problems.. deep inside, but maybe I am too afraid to admit that I do have problems right now.

I'll figure that out later

gue pernah nonton film korea dimana cowok pemeran utamanya bilang ke cewek pemeran utamanya kalo setiap jam 11 : 11 pasti ada yang lagi mikirin dia

once she look at the clock when it turns 11 : 11 she was thinking about him

I saw it when the clock shows 11 : 11 this morning





I wish somebody is thinking about me..

stupid things happened when you feel like others are feeling the same like what you feel
stupid things happened when you misunderstand others' intention
stupid things happened when you let yourself hope too high so that you are not ready to fall

stupid things are happened to me and I don't feel glad about that

anywaaaaay... gue kangen banget nih nonton dorama kayak waktu gue liburan sebelum kuliah. gue juga kangen banget merasa optimis akan nilai-nilai gue ke depan, sekangen nonton dorama. Kadang-kadang orang melihat gue kayak meremehkan atau menggampangkan sesuatu dengan bersikap tenang, terutama soal UTS yang bakalan dimulai hari Senin depan. Tapi sejujurnya gue merasa panik berlebihan nggak akan membantu gue ngerti apapun.

tapi gue juga orang yang sangat percaya pada kekuatan sugesti

ketika orang-orang melihat gue tenang-tenang aja, mereka akan bilang :"Iya dooong fitri kan pinter," atau "Ya lo kan pinter Fit,"

padahal gue nggak merasa begitu sama sekali, jadilah gue merasa mungkin gue kelihatan over PD di depan temen-temen gue sendiri. Gue sama sekali nggak mau diliat sebagai orang yang sok pinter apalagi ngegampangin mata kuliah. Spesifiknya, gue nggak mau diliat sebagai orang yang sok bisa banget kalkulus, matkul yang bakalan ada UTSnya hari senen ntar tapi gue juga nggak pengen panik berlebihan. apa-apaan deeeh. kayak gue bakal jadi pinter aja kalo gue panik.

Karena gue nggak mau orang menjudge gue pinter (oh well, by writing that words now I feel like I REALLY want people to see me that smart...) padahal gue nggak merasa begitu, gue jadi merasa effort gue kurang dalam melakukan sesuatu. Gue jadi merasa bahwa gue keliatan sombong dengan bersikap tenang-tenang saja seperti itu, dan gue juga merasa bahwa mungkin gue nggak akan berhasil dalam ujian gue nantinya. Perasaan yakin gue hilang pelan-pelan sementara the power of suggestions are filling my head.

then, I arrived at one conclusion

that stupid things also happened when you are too busy trusting people's words, not your own heart.

yang harus gue lakukan adalah menjadi diri gue sendiri dan nyaman dengan segala sikap dan keputusan gue itu.

BE BRAVE AND CONFIDENT, FIT! GANBATTE! ITADAKIMAAAAASU (laper)

before today i was not in a good state of mood

just like before, i had my moodswing attack.

and this time it happens only because i accidentally seen one of new video clip on TV this afternoon. I don't know whether it was just me who was too imaginative or it really was another syndrome but I was too sensitive when I attended my last class today.

the worst part : I guess the major reason was one of my classmate on that class...

So I guess the refrain part of the song was my song for that specific person. And I just can't get that thought of my head until... well, until I start logging in my facebook yesterday

Gosh. should I be that sensitive about this problem?

This time I just know that from the first time it won't ever start. it's impossible to begin. But I still keep that on my mind.





well, I feel a lot better now, after writing about this

happy birthday to me ^^

finally it's october 15th

i'm 18 now






^^
first gift today : my drawing has done and I feel satisfy about it, more than my previous drawing =D

gue percaya bahwa keinginan gue hampir selalu bisa terwujud dengan cara apapun. bukan cara yang aneh-aneh tapi maksudnya dengan jalan apapun.

misalnya waktu gue mau masuk SMA. I had no point of being in that school actually but now i feel most grateful about it. waktu gue ikutan TO SNMPTN, bahkan tanpa belajar, gue masih bisa puas sama hasil yang gue raih, nggak peduli maksimal atau nggak hasil itu.

same thing happened when I did my test to entered my university. I'm expecting the best.. gak ada gunanya juga terus-terusan berharap tanpa usaha maksimal dan tanpa doa juga. Dan alhamdulillah gue lolos ke pilihan yang bener-bener gue mau.

I feel like things were happened on the way I wanted to.

But now I don't feel the same.

Emang kalo gue nggak punya kemauan yang kuat dan semangat untuk menwujudkan sesuatu dan menjadikan moodswing gue alasan kalo gue gak serius dan gak niat gue nggak akan bisa jadi apa yang gue mauin.

Things had never been as they were, as I expected them to be. Somehow gue punya kemauan kuat untuk menjadikan itu kenyataan. sadar nggak sadar.

Sekarang gue merasa seperti there's no way out. I've been here and all I have to do is to continue to step on the path till the end. Tapi sebenernya bukan itu dan yang jelas nggak sesimpel itu. Yang harusnya gue lakukan adalah mencari semangat gue yang lama yang mengantarkan gue ke sini...

my spirit has almost gone. thanks God You bring it back here.