Being grateful, like most things, is easier said than done. When I still writing a daily journal, I remember someone inspired me to make a list of things I am grateful of, daily. As a reminder to be grateful, and to acknowledge that life is actually that beautiful when you don't think so hard.

Turns out it is hard to keep a list of things I feel grateful of for a long time. It's almost as hard as to be grateful all the time. I'm not sure if this is even related (or it is just me looking for any chance to quote Cumberbatch :|), but Cumberbatch's character in The Immitation Game, Alan Turing, said : "Do you know why people like violence? It is because it feels good,". I think being ungrateful and blaming everything else for things that happen feels that way too. Isn't it easier to put blame on someone else for a bad result than to count the effort to achieve the result? After all, the acceptance stage comes last. The hurt of being last in a race denies the ability to afford a decent running shoes. The failure to get a scholarship denies the thankful feeling that at the very least, I can pass the TOEFL score required for application (that means a decent ability to communicating in english that is greatly useful, I mean, look at the bright side!).

I'm writing this, not as a super grateful person, I have written about being grateful before, in this blog, five years ago, and I don't think that I apply my writings for the rest of my college life thoroughly. Being grateful is a major thing for me, I suppose. So, when I stumble upon this writing that leads me into an article about reverse bucket list, I feel like this actually has the same idea about being grateful.

I'm jotting down the list right now in my journal. After all what happened in the last 6 months, I'm pretty sure that I need to count on my blessing so that I don't fall into a depressing situation of blaming myself for things. I need to count on my blessing even though I'm pretty sure that I will never be done with that because even the fact of me breathing, typing these words right now, thinking of my (still-kind-of-blurry-but-it's-alright-I-will-make-it) future, is a blessing itself. I need to count on my blessing, to make this reverse bucket list, to be grateful of who I am, and to learn from my mistakes of the past years.

Wish me luck on that ;)

last, to quote on a blogpost written by my friend :